Celebrant or Registrar: Three key differences that matter
I often get asked by couples about the differences between Celebrants and Registrars. As a Celebrant, I obviously have a bias, but for many couples Registrars provide the perfect service.
So here are the main three things you need to consider to make your choice. You’ll notice cost isn’t listed – this is because costs are so variable. But the cheapest option is almost always to go to a Registry Office and have a very small ceremony.
Before reading these: one crucial point. If your venue doesn’t have a license for legal ceremonies, a Registrar is not an option! Jump to point 3 to read a bit more. If your venue does have a license, read on…
1. Knowing who will marry you: the personal touch
For many couples, this is the clincher. You will not meet the registrar who will marry you before your wedding day – you’ll just get who you get. So if someone turns up who you don’t like, tough. Obviously, most registrars are experienced professionals and are great at what they do, so hopefully you’ll have a positive experience! But you are pinning it on hope, rather than preparation.
If you book a Celebrant, you’ll have many opportunities to meet them first. Like most of my colleagues, I offer a free chat before booking to see if we click. I like to do this in-person where possible, when you’re not too far from Bristol, but we can do a video chat if not.
After booking, I meet my couples again a few times and correspond via email about the script. So, by the time you get married, you know me fairly well! You know just what to expect from your ceremony. In my case, that’s a calm, reliable and smiley presence.
2. Flexibility
This is the biggest difference you’ll feel on the day.
Registrars may be conducting multiple ceremonies each day, so their time is tighter if you’re running late. They also work from a pretty strict script. You can request little tweaks, edits or additions, and they will allow these where possible. But imagine it’s already been printed out, and you’re just adding on a couple of markings.
With a Celebrant, you’re starting from scratch. There’s no print-out. There’s not even a template. I get to know you, and what you’d like from your day, and then spend hours tailoring a ceremony that is entirely bespoke to you! If you don’t like it, I change it. It’s that simple. We keep going until it feels perfect.
So if you’re creative, or you want a bit more control over your day, a Celebrant is definitely the way to go.
Finally, because Registrars are legally constrained to provide non-religious ceremonies, they cannot include any religious material at all. This includes traditions that have their roots in religions, like hand-fasting.
As a Humanist, I can’t lead acts of worship, and I won’t read out religious material. But I’m absolutely okay with your Mum reading an excerpt from the Bible, or other references to your family’s beliefs. I believe weddings should be inclusive of everyone, of all beliefs. So long as I’m not saying religious words myself, you can include whatever you like.
This ceremony was led by the couple’s brother-in-law! Photographed by the brilliant Jason Williams
3. The legal aspect
For now, in England and Wales, Registrars are the only people who can conduct a legally-binding non-religious wedding ceremony.
If you’re in Scotland or Northern Ireland, lucky you! You have a bit more choice, as Humanist Celebrants have legal status there.
But in England, until the government finally push this through government elsewhere (which should be soon!), the legal right sits only with Registrars.
Take some time and figure out how comfortable you are with this. If it really matters to you to tick that legal box on the day, then you’ll either need to arrange for both a Registrar and a Celebrant to attend (and this can be complicated), or it looks like you’re going with a Registrar.
If you definitely want a Celebrant, many couples will go to a Registry Office with a parents or a couple of friends on another day, to complete the legal paperwork. After all, why only have one wedding when you could have two?!
Remember, there’s no right answer. This is a very personal moment, so before you book anyone, talk with one another about what feels the most important to you.
And always remember – you don’t need to have a Celebrant or a Registrar! Plenty of couples ask a friend or family member to lead a ceremony, after visiting a Registry Office another day. I offer a service where I just write your script, and you can hand it over to someone else to read on the day!
As ever, if you have any questions, just give me a shout! Sunnily, Claire x